Willow is lucky to have you both as parents! Negotiating with her rather than silencing her. As a 4 year old I experienced shaming violence instead- and dutifully tried to make the best of complying with the gender construct while hiding my desires. Feeling split and hollow all my life, until, 65 years old, I realized it was now or never.

A word for my gender came to me- a mirl- which felt perfectly natural and sound-a male girl- it describes my feelings exactly. I mention it because the idea that there are two separate genders is so ingrained that some may feel they need to physically transition in order to be allowed to experience their desired social role, or to be seen as genuine. I have so happily found that I can feel fully feminine, and the range of my experience expands in every direction, without being female. I am male at the same time, so I can enjoy guilt free the capacities that my broad shoulders and general musculature bring.

Of course, it also allows me to see females free as well- no determinate femininity or social restraints justified for them.