My marriage is not able to sustain an external transition, but the internal transition feels like an 80% solution. Yes the 20% aches, but there was huge relief rom just letting myself proceed -towards the light shining within. I realized my body was not interfering or preventing me from feeling the things I wanted to feel - I was suppressing them in compliance with the lack of social permission. When I let off the emergency brake, I slipped into my experience of womanhood very quickly. I started to see how many of my female sisters were also unable to express outwardly the lives they wished, and that gave me some comfort. But the key item for me was simply coming out to that part of myself that was the logical censor who was aware of the danger and trying to get permission from others. But that permission is hard to find - and it was far too painful to continue either in hiding or in waiting for the world to come around.