I get to think about this a lot since I am a mirl, and …being male, I ‘look’ male. This generally excludes me from the normal social definitions of ‘beauty’, as they are all styled around enhancements of female body features. I understand that as far as society is concerned, I am a male, and as such I am designated to admire and seek bonding with ‘beauty’ as expressed by females.

Yes, I want to be considered beautiful, and therein attractive. Even when it does happen, I am only happy about it if it is not my appearance, but my personhood that is considered attractive. My gorgeous feminine outfit is meant to be a symbol of a spiritual harmony and free flowing eagerness that lies beneath, and my self-inclusion in the world as eligible to be feminine.

I am sympathetic to others’ dilemma as they observe me. I flow from masculinity to femininity and back moment by moment. It is clear to me that gender is a way of feeling as well as behaving.

For many people, gender feelings and performance seem like a simple fact of life, not a choice. That said, many also understand that it is a choice- to conform. They see that I am trans, i.e. not conforming, and unsure about what it means- what should they expect, do, say, think?

Most people have been forcefully educated to stay in their gender roles, with the general indication that terrible things will result if they don’t. This accounts for the existential fear and consequent hostility.