Hi Doc,

I enjoyed reading this, as I was trying to write something to express the same ideas, and you have some very useful analytical language and references to the formative influences on gender.

The quote above is an exception. There is no explanation of ‘disguised sexual orientation’, or how one’s behavior can ignore science, and in the last sentence you seem to contradict the ‘nature plus nurture’ argument you make elsewhere.

I also want to share my own experience to add data for you with reference to this. I am AMAB and TTBAM [trained to be a man- ok i am joking, but it is really what it is]. Despite that, I found myself identifying with girls. That is still a mystery, and for decades the inner v outer tension I felt was managed by secret crossdressing.

Fast forward to being a retired empty nester and the only thing I want to do is resolve this. As I learned to pay attention to different parts of myself and exercised them, I have come to a place where I can do what you say is not possible:

I can feel myself legitimately everywhere on the innate and social gender spectrum, starting with cis straight feminine- feeling as if an ordinary female- in which other females are completely familiar and friends, and males are fascinating in every dimension. I even lose my desire to fix things. ] . I can alternate that with cis male- in which men feel sexually repugnant and almost any female attractive. I feel happy with typical male goals and satisfactions.

It feels natural and is contextual. When I have work to do I behave and feel like a typical male much of the time. It is simple and unconflicted focus and effort to accomplish something. When relaxing and recreating I find I most often feel I am sharing emotional space and attitude with females, and have a femininely styled relationship to things and people. I want to crossdress and feel a part of that world- the female’s world where such things are possible.

My wife is not happy about this, but so far I have not been able to find a place where I can identify myself comfortably as a man, and feel I have all my expressions available. I think that is because the symbols and signals of gender are part of its fulfillment through messaging, and offer their own enjoyment- the sturdiness of men’s wear or the light airy swishiness of a dress, for example.

The simplest conclusion for me is that I am a mirl, a male girl.